To Anyone Wanting to be Alone Without Feeling Lonely
I have been complaining about the pandemic for a while, but last weekend I decided to write out the positive things I have learned and gained from it. One of the things constantly popping up on my list was my “alone and me time.” The pandemic has taught me a valuable lesson about enjoying my own company without feeling lonely and sad.
Before the pandemic, I sought my liveliness and happiness by surrounding myself with friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers. However, when the pandemic began, I stayed for almost three months without physically lively and fun interaction with other people.
It is during this period that I mastered the art of being alone without feeling lonely. I felt alive, and happy, reconnected with myself, and discovered that all I ever needed to feel immense joy was within me.
The first thing I did a few weeks after the pandemic broke out was to stop focusing on my aloneness. I started doing the things I used to love doing alone before my social life erupted, and all I wanted was to be physically connected to people.
These activities included reading fiction, and no, I do not have time for a story that I ain’t connecting with. Hence, I would stop reading a book ten pages in if it was not grabbing my attention. This habit ensured I read books that caught my attention for hours, boosted my confidence, spiraled my adrenaline, and filled me with a sense of adventure.
The next thing I went for was my social media. It was not easy limiting my social media time, as I do social media management. However, I stopped using my personal accounts to deal with the fear of missing out. I did not want to see pictures of people going out, having parties, and going for hikes as those pictures would trigger the feeling of loneliness. Instead, I resorted to watching funny shows as I am a fan of sitcoms. These sitcoms would bring out the deep laughter in me, and there is nothing that chases away loneliness like a deep laugh.
My gratitude journal also helped me deal with feelings of loneliness. I had never kept a journal since, well when I was born. A gratitude journal opens your raw emotions as you write about what you are thankful for the day. I discovered I had so many blessings as I wrote about my feelings, which helped me identify what a fun-filled life I have. This journal helped me figure out why I was feeling lonely in the first place, and this loneliness had everything to do with my thoughts.
What you think has a significant impact on how you feel and your mood the whole day. My thoughts were deep into how the pandemic had ruined my year’s plan, my fun life, and how I wanted to go out. However, the journal changed my thoughts to those of gratitude. The fact that I was happy had a lovely family and friends who always checked on me, my job, and this silence that helped me think, my beautiful smile, and all the things that made my life so bright. Changing my thoughts changed my mood as I became happier, because why not feel this joy when I had so many good things in my life?
The pandemic also taught me how to make myself my main priority. I took care of myself with great sleep, good food, long showers, and good perfumes, and I learned that all I ever needed to feel the void inside me was myself. We often become walking voids hoping for someone to fill the hole in our chests, and when no one comes through, we feel sad and lonely. The silence when I was first alone was loud, but I filled it with a real connection with the 206 bones in my body and the positive thoughts in my mind, not forgetting the authentic love that recognized my weaknesses and my strengths.
To be alone and not feel lonely is to be willing to do the things you want someone to do for you. You need to stop and listen and talk to your body because it is profoundly craving for your attention and no one else’s.
To be alone, get lost in the things you love doing, be it watching horror movies, reading contemporary fiction, laughing so loud while watching comedy all alone in your house, getting dressed up for no reason, taking those bomb selfies, enjoying social media breaks, meditating, dancing in the middle of the night to loud music and so much more.
You have to ensure that you show up for yourself to yourself.
